So, I figure that before coming to earth, we all went to this big conferance, or seminar where we received a run-down on life on earth. After the lecture we split up into smaller groups, and made plans, joined committees, and volunteered for various jobs.

I think I raised my hand volunteering for a lot of stuff I had no idea about, but it sounded good at the time. I can just here me, "Oh, I can take care of that. Sign me up!"

Based on that, I think I was elected chairman of the 'Caretaker Committee'. It has become my calling to be the world's biggest caretaker, asked, or not. Mostly people don't ask, they just have to pause, and I have come up with the solution about how I can save them from their problems, their lives, or themselves.

The problem is that I do this with little regard to my own well being, or self preservation. I'll give my last dime to someone who didn't plan ahead, played away all their assets, or just sat around and didn't do anything to secure their future. Then I become aware of my own situation, and go, "uh oh!".

I went to a 12-step program for years called Alanon. It's for people whose lives have been affected by the disease of alcoholism in another person. It's for nut-cakes like me who think they are God's right hand, and have all the solutions for everyone's problems. I was supposed to learn to quit enabling alcoholics. Well, I did.

I just didn't carry it into my life as far as the rest of the world goes.

Prime example:

I had this acquaintance, (and I mean acquaintance), who needed some cash, so I loaned it to him. The deal was that he'd make monthly payments to pay me back.

I also made the same arrangement with a couple who wanted to buy a car I had for sale.

After many months of no payments from either party, the couple comes to me with a sad story about how he had had a heart attack, and they couldn't buy his prescription which was several hundred dollars. I called the guy that had borrowed money from me, and told him that I needed the money to help out this couple. After much whining he sold a horse, and gave me the money, which I gave to the couple.

After another month, I got some guts, and repossessed the car, and sold it to a guy that had cash up front to pay for it.

The point here is that now neither of the people that I had tried to help is speaking to me because I had the audacity to expect them to pay their debts to me.

I have been looking at the word selfish, and trying to figure out what it really means. I know that I have a need to help others based on a selfish need to gain their acceptance, and approval. I think it also makes me feel worthwhile to help others, but I am not so sure I am helping them. I think, in essence, I am really just sabotaging myself.

I am going to try a new thing this year. I am going to try to be selfish right up front instead of doing the cloaked selfish. I am going to start saying things like, "Oh, that's too bad. I sure hope things work out for you."; "I'll keep you in my prayers."; "I know life is hard, but I'm sure you'll find a solution."; etc. etc. etc.

Hey it looks good on paper!!!

Candalee
The unrelationship expert