Men, and women are different. Viva la difference my Aunt Fanny. I think this difference is why women get cranky. It isn't hormones, or PMS, or anything to do with having a period. It's really caused by men, but being true females we will never admit it because men would think they had done something clever. Of course, men don't believe in PMS either. They just think that all women are bitches by nature. Everyone knows that a man's greatest victory is proving that the root of all his problems is the female.

Women may have the right to change our minds, but men just do it, whether they have the right or not. The only time a man will ever tell you you're smart is if he wants you to do some yucky, drudgery he doesn't want to do himself. After you're done he goes right back to, "Oh it's the dumb female again." Have you ever noticed how much prettier you get if they happen to feel romantic? Of course their idea of romance is a bottle of beer, and a slap on the behind.

I won't even go into what they're like after they've had their way with you. But, I will say this: A man's idea of the perfect romantic evening is downing a six pack, eating a meal that you prepared, watching tv while you cleanup after the meal, having a quick roll in the hay, and then immediately falling asleep. One thing they are constant about though, if you remark on anything they do that you don't like, then you're a nag, and never satisfied. That's probably why women took up knitting.

Has anyone besides me noticed that the victory of women in our right to say "NO", became their right too? Like they needed it. They already had the right, now they just flaunt it. "Honey, will you take out the trash?"
"No".
"Will you please be nice to my mother?"
"No".
"I'd appreciate it if you'd be kinder, more considerate, and maybe throw me a compliment, now, and then".
"No, no, and no." And if we have the audacity to question them, they come back with, "I have the right to say no, and not have to explain my reasons to anyone."

I've heard it said that men think with their heads, and women think with their hearts. If that's the case then the medical profession has anatomy all wrong. You'd have to relocate a woman's brain to her chest cavity, and, well let's just say that when a man zips up his fly he'd be running the risk of snagging his brain in the zipper. Maybe that's why guys in tight pants are a little slow on the uptake. It sure explains why men are more attentive, and less like themselves when a pretty girl is around. It's the only time that brain they're so proud of wakes up.

The truth is, "Men think they can, and spend hours telling you about it".

"Women know they can, and then just go ahead, and do it".

Of course to hear men tell it, we do all the talking. Have you ever notice who's really doing all the talking? But that will have to keep for another day, and another article. My motto is: Enjoy the differences while you're young, and in the interim hoard all the diamonds you can get your hands on.

Top 40 reasons it's great to be a guy:

1. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
2. Monday Night Football.
3. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
4. You can open all your own jars.
4-Dry cleaners, and barbers don’t rob you blind.
5. When clicking through channels, you don’t have to stop on every shot of someone crying.
6. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
7. You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
8. When your work is criticized, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
9. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
10. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
11. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
12. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
13. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
14. You don’t have to shave below your neck.
15. If you’re 34 and single, nobody notices.
16. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
17. Everything on your face stays its original color.
18. Flowers fix everything.
19. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
20. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
21. Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe.
22. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
23. You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
24. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
25. The world is your urinal.
26. You never misconstrue innocuous statistical entries to mean your lover is about to leave you
27. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
28. One mood, all the time.
29. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too skeevy.
30. Gray hair, and wrinkles add character.
31. Wedding dress: $2,000. Tux rental: $100.
32. You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
33. If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
34. ESPN’s SportsCenter.
35. You have a normal, and healthy relationship with your mother.
36. If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell your friends you’ve changed.
37. Someday you’ll be a dirty old man.
38. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you'll probably become lifelong buddies.
39. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
40. If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

Top 40 reasons it's great to be a girl:
1. You won't starve without a can opener.
2. Your friends won't get drunk, and hit on your sister.
3. Jeweller's, and grocery stores won't rob you blind.
4. Short skirts cure unemployment.
5. Male Pattern Baldness.
6. You're 5 times less likely to kill yourself.
7. "Heavy Lifting" isn't a necessity on your resume.
8. You'll never get a draft card.
9. You can distract an entire roomful of men just by reapplying lipstick.
10. You smell better. No matter what.
11. When you fight, you fight to kill.
12. You can cook your own food.
13. You naturally speak in a language men don't comprehend.
14. You rule the bathroom.
15. No matter how long it takes to get ready, guys will always wait for you.
16. Sex means never having to finish the job if you don't want to.
17. It's ok for you to marry for money.
18. No one ever mistakes your chest for a bathmat.
19. You'll never have more hair in your nose than on your head.
20. You don't consider urination to be a competitive sport.
21. You don't consider tomato sauce to be a fashion statement.
22. You'll always get served first in a hardware store.
23. Men are optional.
24. The Three Stooges don't live in your universe.
25. Changing a lightbulb is an option.
26. You never feel compelled to scratch yourself in public.
27. You understand the real value of diamonds.
28. You can walk down the street without mentally undressing everyone around you.
29. Finding someone to pump gas for you is not difficult.
30. You can wear your sister's clothes without the neighbors talking.
31. Short girls are "petite, and perky". Short guys are "midgets".
32. Grooms all look the same. Everyone comes to see the Bride.
33. No matter how homely, you can always get layed.
34. No matter whose place you stay at, you'll always get the bed.
35. "You'll never brag about a "stagette"!
36. Someday you'll be a rich widow.
37. No matter what you do, you'll always be "daddy's little girl" (men think this is a sexual statement).
38. You don't consider farting to be the epitome of humor.
39. You secretly admire Loreena Bobbitt.
40. Your idea of a good movie doesn't have "Debbie does anything " in the title.

Candalee
The Unrelationship Expert