It's November, and that means doing the Thanksgiving thing at the end of the month. I need Thanksgiving to remind me that I have so much to be grateful for. By this time every year a good dose of gratitude is a very healthy thing.

I have been divorced for over 5 years now. Not a great deal of time in the eternal perspective, but a good length of time in this mortal existance. I have been alone for about 10% of my life now, which when you add that to the time I was single before marriage is 23 years, which is around 45% of my life. That means that I have spent almost half my life single. Why then do I get to feeling, every now and then, that I need to be in a relationship?

Those feelings of loneliness, and incompleteness breed restlessness, and eventually ingratitude. Being single is great. I come and go as I please. If I get busy doing something I can grab a burger, and not have to worry about fixing a meal. When life gets overwhelming I can put off doing housework, laundry, etc. instead of trying to juggle way too many tasks. I don't have to consider the comfort of another individual sharing this space I call home because there isn't anyone else. I don't have to allow for another's tastes when I decorate. All of my accomplishments, and failures are mine, and mine alone. I don't have to answer, justify, or explain away any of my decisions to anyone.

The other cool thing about being single is the fact that you can live in fantasy land about love, marriage, and romance. I can envision a wonderful, kind, loveable guy being in my life. He never yells, throws temper tantrums, derides, or practices insults. He is always calm, considerate, and fun to be around.

I have some friends who have been married for over 30 years. If I spend a little time around them I am so grateful for my non-marital status. Seeing them interact with each other does not promote a need in me to get married, and have the same thing. So, whenever I find myself feeling marriage deprived I spend a couple hours with them, and come home feeling very grateful.

I have my health. If I am feeling a bit under the weather, I can spend the day in bed if I want. I don't have to worry about someone popping in to ask me if I am going to sleep my life away. I can snuggle down buried up to my neck in warm fluffy comforters until I feel like myself again.

I don't have to deal with another's food preferences. I hate onions, and never have to worry about there being an onion in anything I cook. Single people don't have to cook things they detest because their loved one has a yen for it. If I want a steak, I don't have to worry about cooking for a vegetarian. If I am on a vegetable kick, I don't have to cook meat. If I am dieting I don't have to be around someone who isn't.

Yes there is much to say concerning the attributes of being single, as I am sure there is much to be said about being married, in love, and emotionally involved. Everything has its good and bad points. The trick is to look for those things which bring joy to you in the here and now, and focus on them, no matter the circumstances.

Join me in giving thanks, and happy thanksgiving,

Candalee
The unrelationship expert