Whispers
Romance Books

Sex : What Every Young Woman
Needs to Know
by Dr. William F. Fitzgerald

Dr. Fitzgerald has been quoted in numerous magazines, including Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Bride’s, and New Woman, and in several books. He has been on the radio numerous times, and appeared on television on the Leeza Show as a sex expert, in addition to other television appearances. He has taught dozens of courses, including Human Sexuality, and often speaks to psychology, human sexuality, and gerontology classes, as well as to civic organizations.

Chapter One Using the correct words: Basic Anatomy (EXCERPT)

Tissue of profound concern to many teenagers is the hymen. The hymen is a membrane that is located at the introitus and can be totally absent, totally present and thick, or have several large or many small holes in it (see page 109). It has no known biological function, and can change shape and thickness for no apparent reason. Women planning to have sexual intercourse can better assure that they will have no discomfort from their hymen by stretching it gently over time using one, then two, then three fingers. If is too thick to be stretched comfortably, consultation with a gynecologist would be appropriate.

It is folklore that "you have to bleed and hurt" the first time you have intercourse, and it is absolutely not a sign that she has been sexually active if a woman has no hymen. This has been the source of great anguish and anxiety, so as a person educated on this topic, please proactively contradict any false information.

Chapter Two Avoiding trouble: The "slanguage" of sex (EXCERPT)

As you read about these slang expressions, the expected emotion is confusion. Some of them make no sense all. While many children learned at an early age words such as "shit," "piss" and "cock." it is also common lore that if you say the "F" word that you could get your mouth washed out with soap. If you ever hear someone upset and saying that "he didn't need to say the "F" word," you can be sure they're talking about the word "fuck." Interestingly, while fuck literally means "have sexual intercourse with," as in "did you fuck him?" it is also used in a variety of ways, sometimes with modifiers. For example "fuck up" used as a verb means to make a mistake or mishandle, as in "Boy, did he fuck up." When used as a noun, it means someone who made or makes mistakes, as in "He’s just a fuck up, what do you expect?" Fuck can also mean interact, mess, confront, or interfere, as in "don't fuck with me." Fuck can also mean "fooling around" or someone who fools around, as in "Quit fucking off and get back to work!" or "he is a fuck-off" (someone who fools around). It can also imply being in a bad state, where "all fucked up" means that someone is drunk, high on drugs, badly beaten up, emotionally overwhelmed, etc. And although engaging in sexual intercourse with someone is supposed be an act of love, affection, intimacy, and acceptance, if you want to tell someone to "go to hell" more forcibly, you would say "fuck you." See what I mean about confusing and not making sense?

Chapter Three Avoiding unwanted pregnancy (EXCERPT)

If you understand this mechanism of preventing sperm from the man's body getting into the woman's vagina, you can speculate how a woman can become pregnant with an almost intact hymen and never having had intercourse. If the tip of the penis is close enough to the entrance to the vagina when ejaculation occurs, it is possible for some of the liquid from the penis to get into the vagina. Some women have unwittingly impregnated themselves by stimulating their lover’s penis using her hand, getting fluid from his penis on her hand when he ejaculates, and then, probably because she is so sexually excited herself, touching herself with the same hand between her legs, unwittingly thus introducing fluid from the tip of the man's penis into her vagina using her own fingers.

Chapter Four Feeling good while feeling guilty: Masturbation (EXCERPT)

For a distinct percentage of young women, what "goes wrong" is that they cannot bring themselves to orgasm. This can be caused by a the wide variety or psychological factors, and by some medical conditions. In many cases, it is the internalization of negative messages, such has "nice girls don’t enjoy sex," and "only sluts have orgasms." If you are nervous, trying to be extremely quiet, feel guilty, or trying too hard, those factors could easily inhibit or prevent orgasm. If you have never been able to achieve an orgasm, try reading the book "For Yourself," by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D. The women who have had the greatest luck with that book have done absolutely every exercise in it, including those that they thought were too easy. If the self-help approach doesn’t do it, call this problem to the attention of your gynecologist.

Chapter Five I didn’t take any clothes off: Petting (EXCERPT)

The human body is an amazing device, and when sexually stimulated, expects intercourse. Consequently, during sexual stimulation, a man’s penis will become erect, and a woman's vagina will lubricate, both of which are necessary and comfortable to engage in intercourse. Internally, changes occur in the pelvis, and many people, although more males than females, experience discomfort that feels like cramping in the gut if they stay sexually excited for a long time (30 minutes to three hours, depending on the person) without having an orgasm. In men this is called "blue balls," and has been used by many men as a way to pressure their lover into additional sexual activity, resulting in his orgasm. Please be very clear that blue balls can be taken care of by the man having an orgasm, whether by his hand, your hand, your mouth, or any other part of your body. It is definitely not grounds to justify intercourse, and if you don't participate in his orgasm, and if he does not achieve an orgasm himself, the pelvic ache will go away in 10 minutes to two hours.

Chapter Six You don’t have to swallow: Oral sex (EXCERPT)

This section is titled "You don't have to swallow" for the following reason. When a man has an orgasm, he ejaculates semen from the tip of his penis. Because some men find it feels really good for the tip of the penis to be inside a mouth during orgasm, and because some women are especially delighted to sexually please their man, some women will swallow the ejaculate. You don't have to. If you find it distasteful, withdraw your mouth from around the penis when your lover starts to have an orgasm, and it would be a good idea to be ready with a facial tissue to contain the semen (more than one man got in trouble for a semen-stained dress). Lick the back of your hand and blow on it. Notice how cold it feels. The same cooling effect happens to the penis if it is suddenly removed from a mouth with saliva all over it. To diminish the cooling caused by evaporation, wrap the fingers one hand as much around penis as possible, and wrap the facial tissue around tip with the other hand.

Chapter Seven Am I still a virgin?: Anal sex (EXCERPT)

Just as there are substantial differences among people in the height, weight, and frequency of sexual contact, there are substantial differences in individual responsiveness to anal stimulation. At one end of the spectrum, there are women for whom even the thought of anal contact is extremely distasteful, and who report experiencing pain with the slightest of anal touch. At the other end of the spectrum, there are women who have discovered, often in adolescence, that anal stimulation is exquisitely pleasurable, and whether by a finger, the insertion of some object, or the water jets in a Jacuzzi, that it feels really, really good. As with all things, there are plenty of gradations in the middle.

Chapter Eight Going all the way: Penile-vaginal intercourse (EXCERPT)

The essence of intercourse is the presence of a penis inside the vagina. In the search for a black and white dividing line between what is and what is not intercourse, the most common assumption is that if a woman had a hymen, and if the tip of a penis was past the hymen, that would be intercourse. If the tip the penis did not go past the hymen, it would be only "sex play." Please note that nothing is said about moving the penis in and out, or whether either party enjoyed it, or even whether the woman was conscious (the man has to be or he wouldn’t have an erect penis). Furthermore, in the definition of virginity as "absence of a hymen caused by penile penetration," if a woman had intercourse, she is no longer a virgin. If she did not have intercourse, she is still virgin.

Copyright 1999 Dr. William F. Fitzgerald